there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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