john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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