worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry my hands just texted you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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