so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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