I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
