you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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