I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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