When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
