My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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