I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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