I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
