So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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