Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
