the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
