You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
