He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
