Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
