Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
