The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
