Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
