All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
