Don't you send me to vm
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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