i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
