Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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