so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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