Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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