What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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