My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
