at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
