i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
