So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
