You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
