my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
