You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
