What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
