It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Found the puke drawer
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
