Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
