why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize