now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
