You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
