how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
