ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
