you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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