ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
