Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
