LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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