when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he was CRYING into my vagina
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
