You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
