Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
