Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
