I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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