Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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