what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
