you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
