I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
