How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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