New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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