Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
