I'm drive I can fine osifer
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
