Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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