I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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