yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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