Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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