DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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