i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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