Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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