just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
