i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
