I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
