I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
