I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
