My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
