I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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